


What I have always known (A name I call myself)

by PhenomenalBrat



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Brainiac 5 mentioned, Coming Out, Dinner, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Kelly Olsen Mentioned, Lena comes out as Trans, Leo Luthor - Freeform, Leo comes out as trans, Nia nal mentioned - Freeform, Other, Supportive Kara, Trans Character, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27859946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhenomenalBrat/pseuds/PhenomenalBrat
Summary: Kara receives some new but not unwelcome news. We gain some insights into the emotional harm inflicted by the Luthor's. Supercorp have a dinner Date. This is a one shot AU take exploring an idea of how the narrative might be different. This involves one character coming out as Trans to the other character.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 13
Kudos: 43





	What I have always known (A name I call myself)

What I have always known (A name I call myself)

(Supercorp)

Author's notes: I'm gonna try to tackle this one shot as tastefully and accurately as I can. I think it's an interesting and 100% valid narrative to explore with the fictional characters from the Television show. Please let me know if I veer off course in terms of explanation and representation. 

TW: Mild transphobic slur, dead naming, near death experience, crying and mild smut. Also expect references to past mild self harming activities etc.

By: PhenomenalBrat 

The lavender scented candle burning on the table, filled the air with a relaxing and. soothing scent. The two plates of freshly cooked lobster with corn and vegetables and the plates of chocolate cake made a decadent looking meal. Everything was perfect. Tonight was the night. It had to be.

The fluffy red sweater and jeans were hardly the usual power suit or work attire one might expect from a Luthor but they provided comfort non the less.

It took a few moments before finally the sound of boots landing on the balcony signaled Kara's arrival.

"Hey! Lena!" Kara greeted as she pushed through the balcony door before closing it behind her. The nano tech of her suit dematerialized it as she walked through the apartment. She ended up back in her blue jeans and red blouse. "Sorry I ran late." Kara looked over the food on the table. "Wow. What's the occasion?"

"Something special. Wanted to prepare you for some big news." The tone was teasing and kept light. 

"Is it bad news?" Kara asked.

"No. I- I don't- It's a good thing really. I just want to make it easier for you to digest."

"Lena-"

"Kara, please just listen. I promise I'm gonna explain everything. "

"Okay."

"I change my name."

"Wh-"

"Or I guess I changed the name I was given. Everyone always thought I was Lena but I've never felt like Lena. I've always felt like Leo. It's what I always called myself in my head. I was- I was just scared to let me be me before and now I'm okay cause I finally can." Leo explained, though he was sure he was rambling. 

Kara simply nodded as she listened and clearly absorbed Leo's words. "Can I ask, when did you?"

"It's something I've always felt. I didn't know what it was when I was younger. I did have a name for it. I just knew." It was hard to articulate the sense Leo had about who they were. How does one explain, that sometimes they felt like a man and sometimes kind of not, but he was sure he had never been a home complying as it were, as a woman cause he simply wasn't. "I- The Luthor family had these- I guess you could call them boxes. I made myself be what they wanted so I could try and gain some small crumb of affection and it got easier to pretend to be someone- I'm not." Leo waited then, pausing to get Kara's response.

"Okay." Kara nodded. "The Luthors could never see or appreciate the beautiful, brilliant, kind hearted soul that you are. I do though. You know that right. "Kara's words were a wave of affirmation and certainty Leo had been praying for but not expected completely. Some childhood part of him always expected to be rejected in his truth.

Leo let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding as he absorbed Kara's words. 

"I love you." He whispered. 

**. . . .**

**(20 years ago)**

_ No one should be in Lex' room when he is not around to see. If nothing else Leo knew that. That had been made clear by Lex. The older boy was polite but abrasively direct. He found that he both admired and feared the older Luthor child. _

_ It was with great caution that Leo crept into Lex' room. He had discarded the uncomfortable shoes and tights he had been forced to wear for a pompous Luthor day party with other rich sycophants. The fancy dress that Lillian had sent over for Leo to wear still felt rather strangling as we. The yell of, " Lena get ready! Hurry up," Early had a stark reminder of the role he was expected to play during this event. The Luthor's wanted the perfect daughter; An idea or prize. _

_ Leo opened the drawer to Lex stuff finding his comfort button up and Oxford shirts in the first two drawers. Carefully pulling some out, Leo found himself unbuttoning one to try on. The shirts and the simplistic minimalism was something that sat more clean and comfortably against Leo skin.  _

_ Truth be told the freedom to momentarily do as he liked, remind him of like with his real mommy. She had said, "You are a gem, my sunshine. You can wear whatever you like and be whomever you like." There had been no pressure or role that her mother had tried to force him into. Leo could distinctly recall so much warmth and feeling love before- before the water had taken his mother. Yelinda had barely been 32 when she passed. It was best not to think of that and drown in the memory though.  _

_ Leo laid back on Lex' bed and stared up at the high ceiling. _

_ "Lena! What are you doing, getting in my stuff again?" Lex' voice cut through the quiet as he entered the room.  _

_ Leo sat up quickly. There was a weird mix of excitement at his brother being home and fear over the possible negative reaction from Lex. Lex crossed the spacious room rather quickly as he approached the bed. Jump by looking, it was clear he was in one of his Jeckyl/ Hyde moods. _

**_Trigger warning: Lex is about to hurt Leo/ Lena. There's some disparaging remarks and something kind of Molestation-y that Lex does as a threat/warning._ **

_ "What have I told you about messing with my thing?" Lex demanded an answer. His voice was laced with menace and threat, though he did not yell as he spoke. _

_ "I was-" _

_ "And for God sakes Lena, your dress is messed up." He complained before reaching forward to pull Leo off the bed and onto the floor. _

_ Lex tended to vasilate Wildly between harm and comfort. One minute he was the best big brother and protecting Leo; then next time- well, not so much. Lex kicked Leo in the chest, keeping him pressed to the ground. He knelt down then laying his hand on Leo's bare leg.  _

_ "Wait. I'm- I was just-" _

_ "I'm tired of watching your stupid fantasy and dress up, " he lashed out verbally, cutting and attempting to hurt Leo. Lex always tended to step down on Leo's dreams. His favorite insult always tended to be referring to Leo ideas or goals or hopes as "foolish fantasies" or "jokes" which was something that in hindsight, Leo would find themselves needing years to reconcile emotionally.  _

_ "I wasn't-" _

_ "Do you think you would somehow manage to be a better son than me? Is that it?" He ran his hand up Leo's leg to the underwear. "Do you know the difference between boys and girls, Lena?" _

_ "Lex stop. I'm-" _

_ "Why do you keep making me have to be the bad guy? _

__ **. . . .**

**(Present)**

"Oh my god." Kara blurted out empathetically.

"Lex was- He's always been Lex."

"I'm so sorry he hurt you like that. You were just a kid."

"After he did that, he apologized later. Said he wouldn't do stuff like that if I just behaved. I just- I didn't want to go through that again." There was a pause as Leo collected their thoughts. " There was this girl when I was in boarding school…"

"Bordering school?"

"They sent me to an all girls Boarding school to make me focus. And, well, you remember Andrea?"

"How could I forget?"

"We had a bit of a thing?"

"You two dated."

"Until Lex interfered in that too. Couldn't have me embarrassing the family. If It looked queer then it was a no go. "

"I'm so sorry. I don't know-"

"You know," Leo interrupted, " I think I kind of envy Nia. Or I don't know, admire her. She did what I couldn't. 

"You're way too hard on yourself. "

**. . . .**

**( The Day Kara interviewed Dreamer)**

_ The interview between Kara and the mysterious Dreamer played out like a beacon. Everything from Dreamer saying she was proudly trans, to the Harry Potter reference to the easy way in which Kara seemed to be on friendship terms with the young woman, brought stark relief to Leo's mind. There was definitely crying going on though. _

_ "Oh my. You're-you're leaking." Brainy noted as he turned and observed Leo slouching slightly in the chair.  _

_ "I always considered myself strong, brave. To share yourself like that. I could-" _

_ Brainy's eyes soften with that refreshing hint of empathy and understanding. "If I am interpreting Dreamer's words correctly, none of us should be afraid of who we are; nor should we fear sharing that." _

_ It was such a simple concept but it felt like the wisdom of Solomon opening some door that had been closed since the death of Leo's mother. Leo's decided though to voice the struggle of the moment,leaving some boxes still un-exposed. "I feel so paralyze right now. I'm unable to move forward. I can't find Lex. I can't fix James." The unspoken statement of 'I can't reach myself or speak either still went unsaid though something told Leo that Brainy felt that unsaid truth. His words as he continued, told an obvious but hard to hold fact.  _

_ "If you want to be trusted and accepted then you must also trust." _

_ Brainy really was the brother Leo had never had and it was becoming clear that he was also an open door they could turn to. _

__

__ **. . . .**

**(Present)**

"You know, you may not have known it at the time but that was the most seen and represented I've probably ever felt. There was this amazing superhero telling people she was kind of like me… then next to her was you, this woman I already knew I was in love with. It was like finally things fell into place for once.

Kara put her fork down with a quiet clang and crossed the room quickly. She pulled Leo up into a hug.

"I love you. Okay. Nothing you say will ever make me not love you.

Leo felt a rush of guilt at that affirmation. "Kara...I- I tried to- there were pills in the cabinet and I- I took them. I took so many; It was a few years ago. Lex said- he said I was just doing it for attention."

"Hey. Listen. Anyone that says something like that is sick and empty inside or a psychopath who lacks empathy or maturity." Kara insisted. "You deserve better than that."

"Thank-you." Leo found himself melting into the warmth of Kara's embrace, feeling safe. "Lex always was a toxic poison to my mental health, even when I was scared to acknowledge that fact."

"It takes time to find your boundaries. There's no shame in that. He can't hurt you any more though." Kara soothed. 

The unspoken thought of Leo and Kara having finally killed Lex for the good of the world went unspoken. There was no need to talk about that again.

"So what now?"

"Oh." Leo thought about how to answer that. "Well, I- the reason I had to tell you now is- I'm-I have something planned that will let me be me soon and I wanted to let you know. I wanna spend forever with you and well-"

"Whatever you need. I'll be here for you." Kara assured. "Do you-Do you wanna tell the others?

"Nia and Kelly already know." Leo admitted. "I sorta need a prep type pep talk before-"

There was quiet for a moment. 

"I'm so glad they could help you. " Kara was so very okay with the information it almost made Leo feel foolish for fearing her reaction. Never-the-less, it was like a weight was lifted as he finally voiced something he had always known. One giant step forward.

"Yeah. Kelly said that love was expansive and that there was nothing I could tell you about me that would diminish how much you love me. "

"She's smart." Kara noted wistfully. 

"Or she knows from some past experience, " Leo shrugged.

"Well either way, I'm glad. I always want you to feel safe being who you are."

Leo snuggled in closer to Kara's hug. "With you I always do feel safe." It felt like all those dark corners and boxes were finally finding time to be opened and embraced in the light.

**FIN**

Author's notes: So this was the alternative universe one-shot. I hope it's not offensive and gives an accurate in depth look at the emotional world of the characters in the story. To pre-emptively answer some potential questions, 1) no there's no sequel or follow up planned for this. 2) Yes I consulted with someone about Trans sensitivity before writing or posting this. 3)Yes, constructive criticism, commentary or conversation that expands upon the narrative is welcome. 4) No, I have no plans currently to edit or change the story. 5) I'm 100% open to the idea of some follow up depending on interest levels, though none is planned. 6) No, I myself am NOT Trans-gender. 7) This story is sort of a gift to a mutual of mine on Twitter. It's a long story involving poor treatment and unnecessary excessive drama and people not comprehending time zones. 8)Hopefully this is a affirming love letter to Trans masculine people in some way.

  
  


PLEASE leave Questions, comments, kudos, constructive complaints or comments. 

Thank you.

  
  
  



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